Making Memories: Forget Shooting for the Stars the Space Between is Way Better

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making memories

My kids and I depart for Australia soon. The kids are meeting their grandfather for the first time. It’s their first international flight and an eternal one at that. There are also undeniably awesome and exotic things like kangaroos and koalas and an opera house and a bridge. And the accent is so cool. It’s an exciting adventure and a privilege that can have a certain worldly allure and entitlement to bragging rights for kids and grownups alike.

But one night recently, my son asked, “Mommy, do you think we’re gonna have stuff that we can complain about in our hotel at night when we’re there? That’s always the best part.” Well, there you have it, mate, from the mouth of an eleven-year-old babe, just itching for the flaws.

The flaws really are, depending on how you see them, the best of life’s offerings.

I don’t mean to take away from all the show-stopping moments or getaways or cultural enrichment or picture-perfectly captured family photos because they can be tremendous and valuable in a different sort of way.

But in reminiscing with my kids over the years, I’ve taken note of some of our favorite memories, which have nothing to do with the big stuff. Or the successful stuff. Or the smooth-running stuff. They are the bumps and bruises along with the way, the awkward moments, the things that go awry, these, as it turns out, are the ones they savor the most.

So as I prepare to pack us up and look ahead to our giant international adventure, I take great comfort in knowing that our finest moments have also been some of our “ugliest.” Among ten that have stayed with us, I’d go with (in no particular order):

  1. Stringing up Christmas lights on a bush two nights before Christmas. “Hold! Hold! Pass! Pass! Don’t TANGLE them! Get the scissors! Cut the lights! NO! LITERALLY! CUT THEM! WITH THE SCISSORS!” Enter garbage bag. And a desperately needed pizza.
  2. Perry Mason moment over the kitchen counter: “You did not eat that yogurt in your lunch today! Don’t lie to me. The spoon is right here. And I smelled it. It’s clean! And don’t even tell me you washed a plastic spoon at school.” The prosecution rests your honor.
  3. Using a curling iron on a Barbie doll’s hair. It doesn’t work. Nor will cracking an egg on your son’s head when you have no gel and are aiming for a spiky-do for a photoshoot. 
  4. Easter egg dye on the dining room carpet. An entire cup of bright blue (why not the yellow?). My son still tells me he heard me growl like a beast. In my defense, I gave multiple warnings before entrusting the dye container in his unreliable little hands. 
  5. Losing the car keys at one of the biggest shopping outlets on the East Coast. On a Sunday afternoon. With the crockpot on at home. We still recall the expression of the store manager who FINALLY had them (like a Disney princess holding the keys to the castle out to us in slo-mo after hours of our desperate search). And the smell of burnt barbecue chicken when we finally made it home.
  6. Screaming into the rear-view mirror after a mad scramble of a day of one forgotten item after another and a hot mess of a school concert: “Hey! That was GREAT! Good times, kids GOOD TIMES.” It wasn’t funny then, at all. But it’s a refrain that now makes us laugh when things don’t go our way. Usually, it’s the kids saying it back to me, laughing, my sarcastic tone echoing back at me years later (and likely for years to come).
  7. The Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny debacle/reality talk that got exposed sporadically and out of the blue at a lovely vacation dinner, resulting in tears, shock, devastation, concerned wait-staff, several Shirley Temples, and a sleepover with mama afterward. Late night. Lots of tears. A tinge of regret. Yet still the best, most tender sleepover.   
  8. Late night, improvised, game-on, every child/parent for themself, stuffed animal dodge ball war after a stressful family dinner that was supposed to be lovely, joyful, and yeah, perfect. All my efforts to channel Martha Stewart were far outshone by my rockstar abilities to totally nail my kids in the hallway at midnight with their own gummy animals and Beanie Boos.  
  9. My, at the time, three-year-old son shop-lifting a small doll collection and one flowery flip-flop from a department store. I discovered them in his jacket, turned the car around, and told the cashier to explain to my child that if he ever did it again, he’d go to jail. He didn’t even know what jail was, but he cried, and to my credit, he’s never shoplifted again (as far as I know).
  10. Finding out about my daughter’s “extra credit” make-a-globe-out-of-a-pumpkin project the day before it was due. One rotting pumpkin, three trips to Staples, two cans of spray paint, printed templates of the continents not sized to pumpkin dimensions, every variety of adhesive, pushpins, and many clumps of hair later…I honestly don’t know whatever became of that mess. But it was “extra” alright. 

So as we prepare to lift off on this grand journey, I look forward to laughing about the things that go wrong. They’re really what we will remember and laugh about the most because they’re what truly connects us.

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Jordana
Jordana lives in Bedford Hills, NY, with her two favorite humans also known as her children, Kaylie (13) and Chase (12). She grew up all over the world, landed in the Washington D.C. area for a long stretch and 15 years ago wound up in Westchester, which she now proudly considers home. She's a recovering attorney, now assistant to a private wealth advisor. She spends what little free alone time she has on her Peloton, watching reality and crime TV and listening to a wide variety of music on her deck with a cocktail. She enjoys taking her kids for day trips into New York City, local restaurants in the Hudson Valley, beach vacations in Rhode Island and the occasional amusement park But she also loves just hanging out and relaxing with them at home. She loathes laundry, grocery shopping and vacuuming. Jordana's favorite mottos to live by are don't compare yourself to anyone else (especially when it comes to parenting), don't be afraid to take chances or start over, always strive to be kind, and never take yourself too seriously. And if all else fails, have a good scream into your pillow, and go do something really nice for yourself, or better yet, somebody else.