A Letter to My Son: 13 Years, 13 Things

Dear Son,

You are turning the “Big 1-3,” and it’s hard to believe! My baby boy is growing up! I’m pretty confident I am making a much bigger deal of this than you are. You know me, did you expect anything different?

Earlier this year, I asked someone to Stop the Time Machine! as I couldn’t imagine having a teenage son. Alas, here we are. As you reach this milestone, here are 13 things I’d like to share with you – (and I guess all of Westchester!). Some silly, some fun, some sappy – and maybe a little advice too?

1. It’s Only Because I Love You

Everything I do or say is to keep you happy, healthy, and safe. Yep. Sounds crazy. Believe me when I say that these annoying tendencies are for you? Hey, that’s what they pay me for. Alright, they don’t pay me – I get to do this ALL for free.

2. Laughter

It is incredibly easy to make you laugh! I will bet against you in any staring contest – any day, anytime, any opponent! My favorite time to test this out is when you are moody. Here’s how it goes: you try to keep that pouty, mad face – but if I stare at you long enough, the edges of your lips start to rise with a little quiver. Your nose starts to get all smooshed, you open your mouth to catch some air, and then you hold your breath a bit. Within seconds, there’s a giggle – which makes me laugh. And the next thing you know, we’re both laughing like crazy. And on the flip side – you are truly the only one in the world who never fails to make me smile and laugh – no matter what. I can be in the worst of moods – even if you’re the one bugging me! Nevertheless, you can alter my mood like no other.

3. Empathy 

You are a sensitive soul who can feel “all the feelings.” I know that this can feel like a curse or a hardship. However, I see this as a huge strength and a gift. You speak and “do” from your heart. Remember when we went to Washington, DC, and a man was asking for money outside of a store? You asked questions about how the man got there, how that happens, how we can help, etc. Although we gave the man a dollar, you quickly wanted to give more, as you knew that this one dollar wouldn’t go a long way. We continued to chat, and even though we didn’t come up with any clear answers, you declared that you’d like to help the less fortunate when you grow up. Whatever you decide to do with your life, I hope you always keep part of this goal, or something similar, within reach.

4. Quick-Witted 

You have always been quick and sharp. Your puns might make your sister batty, but even if they are corny, I’m typically quite impressed with your cleverness. You offer us gems like no other! For example, take your sweet ol’ time after Dad says, “The last one upstairs is a rotten egg.” As your sister runs up the stairs to avoid becoming the said rotten egg, I say, “She is going to beat you!” You answer, so matter of factly, “But, I want to be the rotten egg. Cause if I’m the rotten egg, I won’t be eaten. And I don’t want to be eaten.” Granted, you set parenting back thousands of years with that one, but you must admit that it makes a lot of sense.

5. Debate

Because you are so astute, you can argue and debate like no other. Even your teachers in preschool said so! They called you the Mayor when you were in the toddler classroom! You have strong opinions and convictions, but most impressive is that you usually have strong evidence to back them up. (And at the end of many of these discussions, we often conclude that we’re convinced you’re correct!).

6. Strength

You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ve worked through challenges and difficulties academically in school, which I know wasn’t easy for you. And you can accomplish this with future hurdles as well. And socially, I’ve admired that you continue to be “you.” Peer pressure exists from day one; you don’t give in to it. As ridiculous as this sounds, there are times that I sit on the sidelines hoping that you would give into it “an itty bitty wee bit” just to be aware of some social issues, but overall, I adore that you cannot be bothered by the drama of others.

7. Kindness

Okay, well, I wish you might be a little kinder to your sister…but you are a truly kind soul. I will use the word nice, which many will say is a dull, non-descriptive word. Those folks don’t realize that “nice” has 1,695 synonyms! To be described as a word that has 1,695 positive words associated with it, including likable, decent, and gracious, is an amazing feat! Continue to be “nice.”

8. Make Good Decisions

Teenagers can be… let’s say…not always the swiftest? There may be times when you will not make the right decisions. Know that this is a normal part of being human. Your dad and I won’t always be able to fix or clean it up for you. You must own up to any poor decisions, continue, and not dwell. Learn from it, fix it if possible, and do better next time. Ask for forgiveness, if necessary. Never, ever hesitate to ask for help. However, there will be situations when you must determine your best course of action.

9. Maturity

What a wonderful and responsible young man you are becoming! I mainly take notice of this when your dad is traveling. Now, there are still numerous times during the day when I’ll hear the “Mom! Can you do this…?” I cannot entirely fault you there since I have easily given in to this cry. Now that you are 13, it’s time for your mom to step back and nurture your independence. You’re also showing more maturity with school responsibilities, and it’s no longer like pulling teeth for you to start your homework. Your teachers say you advocate for yourself and have become confident in your knowledge and abilities.

10. Originality 

I have said this before, and I’ll repeat it – always remember that your originality is one of the best qualities to have. And this is what I love most about you. This is what everyone loves about you. Those who genuinely know you “get it” and “get you” – guess what? Those are the only people who matter. Never compromise who you are for anyone or anything.

11. Your Name

You were the first boy born on Dad’s side of the family for over 30 years. Deep inside, I must have known that I’d have a son. Your name had been chosen for many years before you were born. When we were dating, your dad and I used to watch the television show “Boy Meets World.” The main characters were childhood sweethearts, as your dad and I are, and we automatically felt a connection to the show. The boy was named Cory, and it stuck with us throughout the years. We knew that if we had a boy, that would be his name. I joke that we added the “e” because the name looks naked without it. (It does, right?). Your middle name may or may not have been taken from a soap opera.

12. Looking Back to the Beginning

The moment you were born, and I comfortably knew that you were healthy, I took one long gaze at you, and as shallow as it sounds, I thought, “Yay! He’s cute!” (The nurses said the same and my response was, “I’m sure you say that to everyone. “They laughed and responded with “No. No, we don’t!”). You were perfect. Even though you were little and don’t remember, it took me a while to become the mother I wanted to be – and the mother you deserved. Once I came through the postpartum illnesses, there was no stopping my deep love for you and our connection. You are my rock, and you are my strength.

13. Letting Go

I saved this for last because this is the last thing! In my heart, I will never “let go,” yet I know that I have to on the day to day stuff. And you’ll be doing the same! Ouch! It’s natural – it happens. I can only hope that we continue to work together to give you the freedom, encouragement, self-sufficiency, and independence you need to be you. (Did I mention not to hesitate to reach out if you need anything?).

The dictionary shows the definition of “teenager” is pretty simple – “Of, being, or relating to people between the ages of 13 and 19.” The reality is much more complex than this definition. As you grow and your responsibilities increase, there will be peaks and valleys in life. You are smart, wise, talented, and honest (almost to a fault) – these qualities, and so many more (and again, did I mention the support if you need it?) to get through anything.

It’s truly a pleasure to watch you grow and mature. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store for you. I’m so proud of you, and I love you. Keep being you. Happy 13th Birthday, my first love!

Love, Mommy