The Next Phase of My Mom Journey

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A child hugging a mother.2016 was the year of the “rut” for me.  

I have always dedicated myself to my family and sacrificed my needs for theirs. But at some point in 2016, I stopped meeting my own needs so much that I was not fulfilled anymore. So, my decision to focus more on me in 2017 comes without guilt. It’s time to refill my cup.

As 2016 ended, I began to reflect on the year that has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I love being helpful and accommodating and understand the sacrifices parents must make. So, I have no regrets. But this year will be different — Bye, bye 2016, on to the next phase of my mom journey.

Thankfully, my time invested has helped create a “machine” that is self-sufficient — for the most part. My youngest will be transitioning to daycare in the next few months. My partner has had some freedom to pursue his career passions while I decided to stay at home (I work part-time instead of full-time). My kids have a reliable routine and are full of confidence, happiness, and thriving.

My kids need to see a “new” me too!

They need to see that I am happy and fulfilled. They need to know that I am living my dream and can guide them in living theirs. They need to trust that I know how to live life to the fullest. I am a role model. How can I show them to love life if I am not in love with my own?  

They should admire me as their mom, who is loving and caring and sees a person experiencing life and growing and evolving. I don’t want my kids to think that I don’t have a life. I need time more time to socialize with friends. And most importantly, my partner and I need more than two date nights in 2017.

This year, I will work on myself and return as a mom who has a strong identity inside and outside the home.

Here are the first things that need to change this year.

I Need New Clothes!

I want to dedicate this next year to rediscovering what it means to want to look nice when I leave the house. 

I wish they still had that show “What Not to Wear” so someone could nominate me and I could be done with this daily battle.

In 2015, I had committed myself to joining a gym and working out, only not to lose any weight. I had more energy, but my physique did not change much. I spent the year mainly wearing maternity clothes.

At the beginning of  2016, I finally bought new clothes to accept my new, more voluptuous post-pregnancy body. I started looking and feeling good in my new body.

Then guess what? My metabolism decided to speed right up, and there goes the inches (or centimeters — who knows, I didn’t measure myself). I didn’t lose enough for my pre-pregnancy clothes to fit, but I lost enough for all of my new clothes to look droopy and baggy.

When my 11-year old son asked me why I am constantly pulling my jeans up and that they don’t fit, I decided I’ve had enough and resigned to wearing sweats. ALL OF THE TIME!

I need a “new” everyday wardrobe!

Learn to Remind Yourself This Year!

Aside from the weight fluctuation, 2016 was also the year of the reminders. It’s exhausting and frustrating to keep going behind someone to remind them. Even worse is when I receive pushback instead of being thanked for my helpfulness and patience, as I’m doing them a favor.

The extent of reminders I plan to give in 2017 are posting it on the calendar or leaving a post-it on the bathroom mirror. That is it!

“You people are on your own in 2017.” I need a year off of being the nag. Hopefully, by 2018, they can remind themselves because now I am forgetting my things. It’s just too much.

Resign From My Unpaid Job as a Housekeeper

First, I plan on reestablishing my bedroom as a sanctuary. It’s currently an extension of the laundry room and a mail dumping ground. 

Then, I will lay down the law in 2017, especially with my two middle schoolers. If my kids want friends over or want to go out with their friends, they will know what they have to do: Clean up your room or not. Don’t even ask me because I won’t hear what you say. The same will go with their technology: “Oh, you are on your phone [or tablet]?… Great, that must mean you are finished picking up all the clothes you took off this morning!” If not, hand it over.

Lastly, this year, I will set more realistic expectations for doing housework and prioritize my efforts. I have said this many times, but I think I mean it this year.

Or maybe, we will stumble upon some extra money and hire a housekeeper. Or maybe not.

What Else is On My To-Do List:

  • Spend more one-on-one time with my kids since no one ever wants to do the same thing. Trying to get the older ones excited to see Paw Patrol or get the little ones patient enough to sit through whatever movie the older kids want to see is not worth it this year.
  • Prepare to finish up my Master’s.
  • Have more girls’ night outs with old friends.
  • Hang out with my mom friends outside of playdates.
  • Create a self-pampering schedule.

I have to commit to myself, and I believe that my family will respect and admire me more for it. The thought of this is pretty exciting. This doesn’t mean I will abandon my priorities to my family. It just means that I have to make more time to become an improved me. 

Wish me luck!

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Leah
Leah lived in New York City for most of her life and moved to Westchester County in 2011 to blend and extend her family with an adorable high school Math teacher she met on Match.com. After 7 years of staying home and working part-time, she is back to the full time grind, commuting to the Bronx daily in her minivan a.k.a. trusty mommy wagon (this city girl’s first and only car). This full-time working, part-time blogging mother-of-4 seems to have it all together to the observer. In fact, part of this illusion is truly having the most amazingly resilient children a mother could ask for. Leah is an overthinking, jam pack the agenda, let loose when no one’s watching, be kind to your neighbor, sanity don’t fail me now kind of soul and she loves being a part of Westchester County Moms Blog. She strives to keep her kids super busy with a wide variety and good balance of academic, social, and athletic activities while desperately managing her home and budget.