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Sacrificing Myself to the Juice Gods: A Three Day Juice Cleanse

sacrificing-myself-to-the-juice-gods_Well, it’s my first official article for the WCMB. I am so excited to be here, and I figured what better way to introduce myself then to torture myself.

I have always been a somewhat healthy person. I use that word  very loosely, though. I am not an organic only, vegan only, all natural type of girl. I’m far from it, actually. Give me a pure fat, juicy burger with an extra slab of thick cut, crispy bacon and the sharpest cheddar cheese known to mankind, and I’m the happiest girl on the planet. I’ll swallow it down with a glass of merlot (not beer, because I am a lady after all).

I have noticed that as I’ve gotten older,it is even more important to have a healthy lifestyle, especially since I’ve had my daughter . It’s not just myself that I have to worry about. I have cut gluten out of my diet when I developed an allergy to it. I don’t drink soda or barely any coffee anymore.

I have fallen into a bit of a rut, and I sit down nearly every night with a glass of wine (or two) to relax at the end of the day. I have a two year old, I’m surprised I can last until 4pm without some liquid courage.

I figured the next logical step would be a juice cleanse. I need some way of detoxing my body from all of the bacon, cheese, and wine that holds me together.

So, I turned to Groupon. For some reason (in my ever thrifty brain) ,since this is going to be an experiment for me to try out, I didn’t want to pay full price for it.

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The juices I chose are unpasteurized and  need to be quickly frozen to keep all of the enzymes and good bacteria alive.

I will admit that I am somewhat excited to start this adventure. I have never before done such a huge diet change before, and I need a good cleansing.

Day 1

8:07AM

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Here I go!

Head first into this and all I can think about is wanting pancakes. Why is it you always want what you can’t have?

I grab my first juice.

It’s called Detox Greens. It has wild arugula, watercress, celery, dandelions, ginger, cucumber, lemon and apple. Pretty much everything that I avoid eating whole, I am now swallowing in a few gulps.

It kind of tastes like an Indian dish I’ve had before.It’s still a bit frozen. I guess I didn’t give it enough time to defrost.

                                                                                                              8:11AM

I discovered it’s easier to consume with a straw.

It is a bit too spicy for this early in the morning. I guess that’s the ginger.

I HATE ginger.

8:13AM

I just realized that it’s only 8:13AM!! This is going to be a long day!

9:10AM

Starting to get hungry and it’s only an hour in. I think it might be because that’s all I’m thinking about right now.

DAMN THIS BRAIN OF MINE!!

Need

To

Drink

More

Water

Maybe I’ll just distract myself by working on this huge wrap scarf for myself.

Winter is coming.

10:15AM

The progeny has awoken.

Let the day officially begin.

I started to feel hungry so I grabbed Juice #2. On the website it said to drink every 2-3 hours, or when you’re hungry. Well, I was hungry an hour ago, so two hours for me is awesome.

This one tastes much better!

Pineapple Mint, and just like the name suggests it has pineapple, apple and mint. I could get used to this one. YUM!

I just realized I forgot to take a picture of the bottle.

12:00PM

Almost time for bottle #3. But, right now I feel great. That last one really curbed my appetite. I’m now praying to the old gods and the new that I can hold out until 12:30-1. Only time will tell.

Let me distract myself some more, and work on this scarf.

12:55PM

I held out until almost 1:00pm!

YAY for me!!

Bottle #3

I’m starting to feel like a newborn baby being fed every few hours. I just hope that I don’t get the explosive poops that come with a liquid diet.img_7635

This bottle is sweet greens, with kale, spinach, swiss chard, romaine, celery, cucumber, ginger, lemon and apple.

At first sip I thought it was pretty tasty. Sweet, but not too sweet, and then… Ginger.

More ginger.

YUCK!

With the progeny around, it’s so hard trying not to eat the food that I make for her. And me being a half helicopter mom, half free range mom I always ask her if she’s hungry.

At least this time around I don’t want pancakes anymore.

I now want pizza.

3:30PM

I’m not going to lie. I had some leftover potato wedges from last night. Only about 5 of them, but I couldn’t help myself. I quickly felt bad and ate some baby carrots.

I read on the website that I could have 1 raw vegetable. I chose carrots. I need something to chew on, and now I feel like some kind of rodent.

After a quick nap, I am now re-energized and on to bottle #4!

Spicy Lemonadeimg_7636

It has purified water, lemons, organic agave nectar and cayenne pepper. Exactly what goes into the master cleanse.

It’s said that this combination of ingredients is known to burn calories, purify the blood and reduce inflammation.

I have been peeing like crazy all day already.

This Spicy Lemonade is really tasty though. I might just make this at home after the cleanse.

                                                                                                     7:10PM

I can’t believe I lasted this long in between drinks. Nearly 4 hours! A new record for me!

On to bottle #5.img_7637

Root Veggies: Carrot, apple, beet, lemon and ginger.

More ginger.

My husband was attracted to the bright red color, and wanted to try it, but once he smelled it, he said it reminds him of when he’s cutting the grass and bits of it land in his mouth. He has a way of making me feel so great about what I’m doing. I also complained to him that I have a slight headache, and he said that my body is falling apart without liquor. That got me thinking…  I can have several glasses of wine in one sitting, and not even bat an eye, but all this juice is driving me insane.

Day one is luckily nearly over. One more bottle left for the day, and two more days to go.

YOU CAN DO THIS, JILLIAN!!

         9:30PM

I made it through the first day!!

Last bottle is Coconut Fusion. It’s 100% organic Thai coconut water & flesh.

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I love coconut water, so this one is the easiest to drink.

I’m just dying for a burger!

I feel this is actually teaching me some self control though.

I’ve always considered myself an opportunist. If I see some food that I like, I’d like to have an  opportunity for it to be in my mouth.

Day 2

9:30Am

I’m not going to bore you with all of the details of every single bottle again, but today is looking a lot better and I’m already 2lbs lighter.  I’m starting to feel a bit more optimistic about this whole process.

This detox greens bottle actually tastes better today; less ginger and more cucumber.

2:01PM

Today is a lot easier to get through. Maybe because I’m so distracted with other things.

We’re nearing the end of buying a vacation house in the Poconos and I’ve been making so many phone calls and shopping around for  house essentials. I almost gave in when we drove past Shake Shack. I was describing what it tastes like to my father. “A moist, juicy burger in between two potato buns,” was my exact description. I slapped myself back to reality when I picked up my lawn in a bottle.

The things we do for vanity.

I  wonder why I even bother with all of this.

My husband loves me the way that I am. Why can’t I?

One of the things I’ve picked up on while being a makeup artist, is seeing a lot of women be very critical of themselves. We’re always our own worst critics. A small, insignificant feature that most people barely even notice can be a girl’s worst nightmare. It keeps her up at night, wondering how to hide it, cover it up maybe even chop it off. Self love is often the hardest to accept.

Day 3

8:18AM

This cleanse is starting to take a toll on me.

My skin is not glowy and dewy the way that I hoped it would be.

In fact it feels dry and I’m breaking out like a pubescent teenager.

img_7737-1I have very oily skin, and I’ve grown to accept it, and work with what I have. This dry skin is unnatural and foreign to me.

I woke up at around 6AM to get my day started early. I grab my first drink of the day, and about half way through it, I still feel very hungry. I push it aside thinking it’ll pass eventually, but it doesn’t and I feel like I’m about to pass out.

SCREW THIS

I run to my kitchen and make myself some toast.

It’s a stare down between me and the toast.

Do I really want to give in and eat it?

Of course I do, because I have no will power.

It’s glorious!

There goes the end of my cleanse.

I did a full 2 days, and honestly thats enough for me.

Last night my husband forbid me from doing this again, saying that I’m too cranky. Honestly, I don’t blame him. I NEED FOOD!!

Diets aren’t for me.

Day 4

Back to eating solids.

This day is rough for me. My stomach is so sensitive from the exclusive juice diet, that I can barely eat anything. Even being off of the cleanse, my body is still mad at me.

I have a lot of respect for people who do this on a regular basis.

One Response to Sacrificing Myself to the Juice Gods: A Three Day Juice Cleanse

  1. Evelyn Damers September 22, 2016 at 4:30 pm #

    Jillian, this is your Titi Evelyn… wow that was awesome! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog. It was humorous and detaiiked. I cracked up many times! Keep up the good work and just eat three well balanced meals a day as well as healthy snacks. Remember that BALANCE is the key !