Apres – Babymoon

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A couple relaxing on a beach on vacation. I’m a stay-at-home mom with seven-month and four-year-old daughters. My husband works about fifteen minutes away, but his hours are long. He’s not around much to deal with parenting and household duties. The baby still wakes up twice a night and is ready to start her day by 6:30 a.m. I’m also working on a novel once the nursing, laundry (so much laundry!), cooking, shopping, organizing, ballet lessons, school runs, and the list goes on, is done.

And while I love being a mom and appreciate that I can stay home with the baby—it can be exhausting. Moms do a lot!

The physical energy and mental focus required is more than I ever expected. I’m tired, which is why, when my husband told me that he was taking me to the Caribbean, JUST THE TWO OF US, I was ecstatic.

We hadn’t been alone for more than a night or two in almost five years, and now he told me that my mother-in-law had graciously agreed to watch our children so we could be away for five days!

When you are a mom, you are constantly thinking—are they getting enough fruits and veggies in their diet? Did I pick up the dry cleaning? Are they making friends at school? What should I make for the bake sale? Is the dog walking funny?

For four days, my job was not to care for everyone and everything in my home. My job was to sit on my butt and relax. I didn’t have to think about anything. My most challenging decision during those four days was whether to get the deep-tissue massage or the hot stone (I went deep-tissue).

The benefits of this vacation were two-fold. After seven months of waking up every two hours, I needed to sleep through the night and not set an alarm for a few days.

Because we love our children, we needed to get away—not get away from them, per se, but to get away for them.

I needed to step back and recharge. We missed them, of course, and being away from a baby is hard because they change so much at this age, but I owed it to my daughters to take some time and get some sleep so that I could come back and do everything for them.

I also needed to connect with my husband.

It’s easy for your marriage to fall by the wayside when you have small children. We weren’t “in trouble,” but it felt like we hadn’t spent much time together in a long time. Sure, on a Friday night, we put the kids to bed, put our jammies on, and fire up the Netflix. But my husband usually snores long before the credits roll, and watching TV together isn’t really connecting on a meaningful level anyway. Stranger Things is awesome, but watching it isn’t really making memories that will last a lifetime.

Being away alone allowed us to connect on a meaningful level. We had our meals together without either of us getting up to fetch clean napkins or more water or ketchup. We sat on the beach, swam in the ocean, drank cocktails before dinner, and had an uninterrupted adult conversation during all of it.

We connected, and we made memories. The craziness of our lives at home, him with a newish job, me (us) with a new baby, and a very active four-year-old, made the total relaxation of a tropical vacation feel all the more profound. I don’t know that I’ve felt that relaxed ever. And I think that’s important—you must recharge those batteries.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have an energetic mother-in-law willing to look after a baby and a vivacious four-year-old, and maybe finances won’t allow for five days out of the country. But I can’t recommend a few days of fun in the sun with no responsibilities enough. If you don’t have a family to watch your littles, maybe a close friend, trusted nanny, or babysitter? Perhaps you could watch your friend’s kids one weekend, and they return the favor the next?

And it doesn’t even have to be in the sun. The no responsibilities part is the only requirement.

And you don’t have to get on a plane either—maybe a house or apartment swap (with takeout, no cooking!) and a pile of DVDs or books to consume? A staycation (with no kids!) can be very restorative as long as you’re disciplined enough to let the laundry pile up (I’m not!). As Westchester County parents, we have many amazing luxury hotels and resorts well-suited for a 1-2 night adults-only getaway. 

When we got home, my husband and I made a deal to try and find a way to have at least three to four days alone as a couple every year or so. Reconnecting as a couple and taking time to take care of me made me a better wife and a happier mom.

What are your thoughts on a mom getaway? Comment below!

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